Holiday Hoodlum

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With the scent of the holiday season in the air it won’t be long before Fox News is reporting on “the war on Christmas” along with the usual shenanigans they pull to entice their brainwashed followers and make us on the outside prickle in discontent. You know what I’m talking about! The ol’ lets-put-an-atheist-on-our-show-and-bash-him-and-not-let-him-speak style of programs that they run during the holidays. So yes, I do blame them, in part for getting Christians in a tussy over Christmas. A holiday in which I believe we should put our difference aside, hold hands and vomit on each other after drinking too much. That’s just me.

But in my family it’s different than what I imagine.  It’s “traditional” with a meal and a white elephant. And by traditional I mean a Christmas party where everyone’s opinion is worn on their sleeve. You know what I mean? Where the tension is so thick you feel like you’re visiting North Korea. And booze? Oh the boozers are looked down on. Still doesn’t stop me and my brother-in-law. Hell last year I got so wasted that my wife let my kids draw all over me. I thought that was awesome. I’ll cherish that moment forever.

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Speaking of last year that brings to the topic of this post. How to handle all the religious stuff and what is appropriate to do and say during the holidays. My philosophy has always been that if I’m a guest in someone’s home I will value their routine.  However last year I had a little too much to drink,  obviously, and when it came time to pray before our meal I volunteered to the utter surprise of everyone at the table. As we held hands their surprise quickly and righteously so turned to disgust as I began “dear Odin. Thank you for blessing us with your…” and so it went until my father-in-law interrupted and finished. I thought it was hilarious and still kind of do. It was disrespectful and I will not do that in someone else’s home again.

I have been told by friends and even family that it was needed. This is what our cause needs to shame people from believing. I find it distasteful. But what do you think? Do you also follow the “when in Rome” philosophy? 

As for the rapid approaching holiday season. I can’t wait to visit “North Korea” again.

If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent

nonprophetadam:

Good to see some tolerance coming from Christians

Originally posted on john pavlovitz:

KidsFiltered


Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.
Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.
Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t…

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The Rapture is Confusing

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So, I’ve been doing a lot of research on this strange phenomenon dubbed “The Rapture.” I’ve talked to a lot of my Christian friends and everyone has a different story or version of the events that transpire. To make matters more confusing, the rapture is never mentioned in the bible. So everyone and I mean everyone has a different timeline, interpretation, and philosophy of those occurrences.  What I find discouraging is the amount of belief these people have that the Rapture will occur versus the evidence that is available to support its occurrence. When I ask them why they believe how they do I don’t get solid answers. “You have to have faith” is their favorite reply.

The general consensus is that they will be teleported away, quicker than a flash of lightning, Star Trek teleporter style into heaven. Almost all Christians that I spoke with believe we are living in the “end of days” due to world events. After the rapture then the shit realllllllllly hits the fan. And this is where most people have no idea what’s going to happen. Nobody knew exactly how long this era is going to last, what happens when it’s over. They just knew they wouldn’t have to endure the process.

For the record this is an educational workshop piece, your input, suggestions, corrections and opinions will be praised and are very welcome. Here is what I know.

During the 1800s a man named John Darby invented Dispensationalism which basically divided the bible into sections. By doing this he developed the idea of The Rapture.

The tribulation will occur for 7 years. This is God’s wrath being brought upon the non believers. Half way through this period the Great Tribulation begins. This is an even more harsh period.

There are 3 version of the rapture. The pre, mid and post tribulation rapture. (Self explanatory I hope).

After the tribulation Jesus will come to reign for 1000 years. There is much debate as to how long 1000 God years are.

That’s basically it. This is what I’ve learned reading and watching documentaries on the subject. No references anywhere. Please comment if you know more. Thanks you.

I Gave Up Meat: Cold Turkey

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^This is how I imagine I look when I tell people I’ve quit eating meat. Not because I feeeeeeeeel ridiculous but because they look at as if I’ve switched heads with the cat I am petting.

Whenever I tell someone they ask “WHY?!?” and assume I am less manly. 9 times out of 10 it’s other people telling other people that I’ve gone “vageterian.” Their shock driving them to tell everyone they know.

I try to tell them it’s personal or that they don’t want to know. But they are persistent and need answers to this great mystery. I find that I’m better at expressing my ideas in writing so here we are, a monolog,  written by a babbling vegetarian. Excuse me, vageterian.

1. I don’t like animals dying on my behalf. That’s the short of it. 

2. I feel that I have the moral responsibility to not kill other creatures.  We all took a long time to evolve to get where we are. A long long long time. And our species was lucky enough to “rise above” our evolutionary traits. We are smart enough to know what benefits come from eating meat and where else to find this. If we were the lesser intelligent specie we would totally expect this from our more intelligent counter parts.

Imagine an alien species arriving to Earth just to feed on us humans. There would be an outrage. “Those flying crits could eating cheese instead of us humans!” And the aliens would respond “^! £ gsmku- *÷*Jr kph !&÷£ jejek £&=” translated into “we like how humans taste.” Or “we are on top of the food chain so shut up and get in my belly.” Our arguments for eating meat have just been used against us. Good job humans.

3. It’s good for the environment.  There are more green house gasses emissions from cows than cars. Being a vegetarian is the environmentally smart thing to do.

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I put a lot of time and thought into this. Trust me, I love steak.

Ken Ham, Ugh.

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I have no freaking idea why I follow this guy on Facebook.  His posts are filled with misguided suggestions and opinions.  Each certainty manifested in a “help you be a real Christian” variety of blog.

He, has all the answers. I think that’s what bugs me most. No humility, no remorse and no sense. It is intriguing to watch a man twist, contend and manipulate scientific data to fit around a mold. Why not follow the path the results lead?!? And people follow this guy!?

He says he’s not a preacher and that his followers are not his congregation.  This is bullshit too. Surprise! They are Hamians. Or the Hamulites. Praising and worshipping the main pig’s god. 

End rant

Can I get an amen!?!

This is a list of assumptions about atheism. Please add yours in the comment sections for consideration in a future edit.

•atheism is not a religion
•evolution does not require faith
•atheists are not mad at God
•morals did not originate with the Bible
•atheists do not worship Darwin or Satan
•life is not empty without God
•saying “bless you” when an atheist sneezes is not offensive
•group prayer at work or before a game and dinner is offensive
•atheists do not eat babies
•most atheists have read the Bible
•marriage predates Christianity