I have a confession and it is very dark. I’m almost embarrassed to speak of my behavior. I have children as you all know. I love them so much. Such deep love that I truly believe they could do anything and I mean anything and I would still love them. This, I have discovered, may not be the most healthy mindset. This is the root cause of my unforgivable behavior.
My children have disobeyed me in the past. No big deal. Kids will be kids. They will face the consequences and I will still love them unconditionally. Welllllll not totally unconditionally, I do have one condition, they must and I emphasize MUST, love me in return.
So you could imagine my anger, my jealousy, my uncontrollable hatred when I discovered that a few of them not only didn’t love me, they disowned me. They denied me. They spit in my face. They made me feel little. I cannot. I CANNOT accept this. They will pay.
They did pay.
I feel my anger flaring up as I write this. I had to punish them. I couldn’t let them walk all over me. I love them. But, but if you disown me I disown you. Forever. However I didn’t feel like this was enough. No, it wasn’t enough. They need punished. So, I sent them away. To Hell. Yes, they will burn in Hell forever for not loving me. This hurts me so freaking bad but you don’t understand all that I’ve done for them. I even killed my own son (he was extra special to me) so I could forgive most of their actions!
I am embarrassed by my mistakes. I am embarrassed by my rage. Please forgive me.