Cosmos for Fundies

I haven’t laughed this hard in a minute. 

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Adam and Eve SNL Style

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SNL hit the nail on the head with their rendition of Adam and Eve. The means for humor have always been there. Talking animals, nudity and a god who always needs praise.

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I hope to see more of these in the future. I’m not sure which in more funny, the skit or the fact that people still actually believe these myths.

If you haven’t watched it yet please do yourself the favor and click the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6dqA-KQ3kE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Watching Cosmos with 4 Kids

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I unfortunately had to wait until the following day to watch Cosmos. With the time change, putting 4 kids to bed and catching up on school (I take online classes) there was no way I could watch the premiere live. You can imagine my excitement when I woke up before my kids. Tip toeing to the living and turning the TV on making sure the volume was just loud enough. I felt like a kid again on a Saturday morning trying not to wake up my parents.

And then the baby woke up. No big deal. I changed her and made a bottle. 3 minutes gone. Sat back down and pressed play.

Then LC zombie walked out to the living room. Her hair a mess and whining that she had to go “peeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Pause. I helped her onto the potty. Brushed her teeth. Got her oatmeal and sat her at the table. 10 minutes gone.

The baby was fussing again. This could only mean that she wanted finish her bottle.  Fine.  I sat down and pressed play.

This moment of peace lasted maybe 5 minutes before my oldest was up and hopping out to the living room.  He is a bundle of joy.  No “wake up” period for him.  The second his eyes open he is full throttle.  I paused the tv. I knew he would enjoy Cosmos but I wanted to say good morning and start getting him ready for school.  Shit! School.  I completely forgot.  I made him his oatmeal then packed his lunch.  Got him dressed and luckily for me his Mimi stopped by and she volunteered to take him to school.  Whew.  30 minutes later I was ready to resume Cosmos.

The baby was sleeping and I was enjoying life. I watched a good 20 minutes before Charlie aka the Chuckernaut began yelling “Dadddddeee” from her crib.  Pause. No biggy. She’s the easy one… The second I opened the door to her room I knew I was in trouble.  “You poooooped” I exclaimed in sarcastic excitement.  Yep she had indeed pooped, up her back. After a quick bath and breakfast I was back in business. 

Five minutes later the baby was starting  to fuss. I decided to hold her and try to power through these last minutes of Cosmos.  That’s when she pooped. Pause. I trekked to the changing table and realized she had copied her sister and pooped up her back too. Awesome.  I keep saying in my head “I love my kids” over and over.

I bathed her,  got her dressed and laid her down.  15 minutes had passed. I made a quick cup of coffee on my Kuerig and sat down to finish the show.
I did finish the show and it was amazing.  Well worth “ignoring” my kids. Maybe it was all I had been through this morning or maybe the end of the show was just that touching but I seriously teared up when Neil spoke about Carl Sagan. The visuals were fantastic and they couldn’t of picked a better host. If you haven’t watched it I recommend you do at all cost.

4 Reasons Demon Possession is Good For Your Health.

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Teach the controversy. Tell your family. Live it. It should no longer be something to fear. The scientific evidence is abundant.  Demonic possession is and will be the leader in therapeutical and medical treatment. 

1. As the demon runs rampant through your blood stream it clears blood clots and clogged arteries.

2. While your brain is in distress it actually increases your brain activity and IQ is increased post possession.

3. The typical possession burns 1500-2000 calories. There isn’t a better workout available.  Plus you don’t remember a thing. You just wake up refreshed!

4. Possession cures cancer and other ailments. Yes, it’s true, demons are not restricted to the disease of man. Continual possession builds your immunity to these diseases.

Remember these key arguments the next time your family has an intervention for because your head did a 360 and you vomited all over your sheets.

Jurassic Rapture

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Jurassic Rapture

If only the Romans would of kept some of Jesus’ blood or a piece a cloth or even the spear that pierced his side. Maybe then the brilliant and incredulous Mr. Hammond could clone our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ.

I imagine this 21st century rapture and smile. I imagine the people lobbying against cloning with their angry faces preaching morality and spewing “WHO ARE WE TO PLAY GOD!” I picture them making excuses. Suddenly they condone this off brand rapture because to them it is the ONLY way the story is ever fulfilled.

Mr. Hammond takes the stage in front of 2 incredibly large golden doors. The HD news cameras is capturing the extensive etching. Beyond them is miles and miles of white fences. From our view we can see clouds rising up and we can hear the sound of laughter. The murmurs in the crowd grow and grow until Mr. Hammond clears his voice:

“I welcome everyone to Jurassic Rapture.”

The news crews awe in anticipation. People all over the globe but mostly in the US hold hands in prayer. The gates swing open slowly to the sound of trumpets and fireworks illuminate the sky. Beyond the gate is 3 sets of chariots attached to set of train tracks. The news crews rush forward fighting for side seats. The US is standing still.

The cars lurch to a start and Hammond begins.

“We have many wonderful sights for you. Here at Jurassic Rapture our primary mission is to bring you closer to Jesus for a small fee of course. This is no different than what the church as been doing but our facility offers the real deal. Sooooo we have made multiple clones that way our guests may view Jesus in all their favorite stories. Coming up on your right, the cross!”